imageThe Guiness Book of Records is silent regarding “Who holds the record for eating the most amount of cake in a day?”, preferring to focus on records to do with Jaffa cakes. So, I must claim the crown.

Wind back to Thursday night.

We’re on our way home from school when the Offspring suddenly announces that she needs to make a cake for the school’s Macmillan Coffee Day on Friday. Oh blow. No time to get to any supermarket. So, where do we end up buying the ingredients? Marks and Spencers. Ouch. Oh well, it is in aid of charity.

Having agreed that she can make the whole thing herself, I am relegated to standing back in horror as the mess builds. Eventually, a strangely nice orange sponge emerges from the debris.


An enormous chocolate cake makes it’s appearance at work. Now, show me the woman who can resist a slice of gooey, chocolate cake and I’ll show you either a deranged lunatic or someone who is meeting their Ex and his new girlfriend at a showcase event in the not too distant future. Neither of these apply to me, so I wolf down a slice.

After a hard days graft, I shamble off to Caffe Nero for a coffee while I wait for the Offspring, weaken at the sight of their chocolate cake and buy a slice even though my Jiminy Cricket conscience is going bonkers.

Brisk walk to school, to try and burn off the calories which is madness as a day’s manhauling in Antarctica wouldn’t dent what I’ve eaten.

Sadly, I remember too late that today is the Macmillan Coffee thing and that I am expected to buy back the cake that cost $5,000 to make last night (allowing for cost of ingredients, the cost of re-painting the kitchen ceiling and replacing all the unusable kitchen utensils).

As I arrive at school, I am dragged inside by my child and her friends who are desperate for me to have a coffee … and cake. Oh boy.

I leave the school thinking that gluttony really is one of the seven deadly sins.

[Picture courtesy of]


About Dystonia Girl

Horse rider who loves to blog and do lots of other things too. Lives with, but is not defined by, a rare neurological condition called Dystonia.
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